there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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