just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
