just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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