I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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