some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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