forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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