so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
