id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
