Cold hands, warm shart.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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