im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
