distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
