I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
