singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
