I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
