I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
