We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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