i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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