I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
