yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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