Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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