Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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