I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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