It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
