What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize