the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
