why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
