last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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