i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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