apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
