It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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