so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
