If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
