when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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