Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
