Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
