i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
