Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
