There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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