i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
