Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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