I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
