i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
