i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
