Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
