he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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