This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
