It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i out mim tonsoeep
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