I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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