Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
