so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
