my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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