She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
