the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
