OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
