Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
