I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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