Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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