I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
