I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
