was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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