So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
