barbara walters just said penis...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
