He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
