Soap is not a condiment
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
