she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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