i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
