I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize