anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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