I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
