I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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