so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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