1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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