he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize