I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
