he looks like a really good dad on facebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
